There are really only two problems in any marriage:
- She has expectations that he isn't meeting and
- He has expectations that she isn't meeting.
Solution: Drop the expectations, chose instead to love your spouse for who they are, how they are right now. Ask yourself this question: If my spouse never changed would I be able to fully love them with all my heart? If the answer is no, the problem is you not your spouse.
God loves his people fully expecting no return on his investment, knowing that some of us will come into His presence "as by fire" (1 Cor 3:15). He loved us when we were His enemies and when we were still messed up (Rom 5) and He continues to fully love us even though we grieve His Spirit, live like we used to and resist His loving and leading at turn after turn.
He has placed all His eggs in this basket: that His love is powerful enough to evoke ours! (1 John 4:19) Test that out on your marriage. Focus all your love on your spouse, not "in order to get them to change" but just because you love them. Don't try to organize their life to meet your needs but you organize your life in service to them.
The only time you'll be grumpy is when you want the love to be coming your way. When that happens, and oh my it will, think of it this way: God has filled my heart with His love. It satisfies me completely and not only that but there is enough of it to pour out on my spouse even now. Then do it, love and serve. It really is more blessed to give than to receive, even in love.